After a rigorous workout on Thursday (my first in over a week), I found myself hobbling around the house for days. By this morning, the twinge in my back had spun itself into a full-fledged muscle spasm (I blame the Russian Twists). Cue agony! I was determined not to let it ruin my day, so I awkwardly ground my upper back into door frames all afternoon in an attempt to massage it out. That helped–temporarily.
Our plans for the day included a morning full of nothing while M finished up some legal stuff, then a nap for the girls before hitting a restaurant with my family. But the girls had had a long morning full of wandering the house, watching cartoons, and playing with bubbles and water in the sensory table, so they had too much pent-up energy to sleep on a sunny day with a warm breeze blowing through the house.
Guilt sidebar: I should have strapped on their “backpacks” (you know, the kind with long furry tails that are actually leashes. Don’t judge) and taken them for a walk. But my back hurt and I am still so gun-shy about taking them out alone when they immediately bolt in opposite directions, have no safety awareness, and infrequently respond to “no.” Sigh.
So without a nap, we dressed the girls up all pretty and buckled them in for the 25-minute drive to the restaurant. By the time we parked, Ham was fast asleep. She wasn’t too keen on waking up and spent a lot of time between my arms and M’s. Then we settled in at the table and my mom gave Chicken a bite of crab cake full of breadcrumb… two minutes later, Chicken flipped out. (I have an update post about our gluten- and dairy-free diet and how that’s been going coming soon.) she spent the next forty-five or so minutes vacillating between “screaming” and “looking sad and tired.” I brought her out to the car to nurse her, thinking she had a tummy ache, but then she cried for Nana. We returned to the restaurant and she only wanted me to hold her. Who knows. Thankfully, by then, Ham had been watching videos on her iPad for a while and was content, if a bit tuned out. This majorly violated out previous-stated “the iPad is for communication only” rule in a big way, but we were halfway to desperate by then.
While I’m flattered that the girls both wanted so much face-time with me despite having so many family members to choose from, the whole ordeal was hell on my back. By the time dessert menus were passed around, I knew that the girls and I had had as much as we could handle. We said some apologetic goodbyes and headed back out to the car.
I give M major credit for handling the rest of the evening. He got the girls ready for bed, got me into bed, ran to the store for a few essentials, and brought me back a heating pad and a gluten- and dairy-free candy bar, then took the dog out and did the dishes. What a mensch. That’s Mothers’ Day right there.
So though I viewed most of the day through a fairly moderate haze of discomfort, I have to say, I really have everything I wanted: two amazing kids, a brilliant and compassionate husband, a dedicated family, and great friends. So I’m doing okay. And that candy bar was really, really good. Coming out the other side of infertility is exactly as amazing and joyous as I could ever have hoped it would be, even on the not-so-great days. Incredibly, indescribably thankful for this life.
So here’s to the moms, the someday-moms, and all the people who care for them. ❤
(Chicken and her Nana, two ladies who are right at home in a fancy restaurant.)